Why is it important to talk about consent?
Consent is the foundation of healthy and fulfilling relationships. Knowing your own boundaries and what you like or dislike is the first step to expressing your own consent. Thus, the topic of consent is a great way to learn about yourself and also about your partner(s).
Consent is important to ask for, but even more crucial to respect. Of course, it can be frustrating to receive a "no," and it’s okay to feel anger or disappointment, but don’t take it out on your partner with words or actions that could create a form of violence in your relationship.
But what exactly is consent?
It’s simply a mutual agreement for an action. It applies to all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones, and comes into play whenever your body or someone else’s is involved. For example, asking for consent before touching a friend’s hair is good. Do you remember when you were little, and someone made you give a kiss to someone when you didn’t want to? That, too, is a question of consent, and it’s beneficial to introduce this concept from a young age.
At HandsAway, we like to use the 5 points of definition created by the association Consentis to explain our vision of consent:
Specific: relevant to each activity; for example, saying yes to having a drink does not mean saying yes to a kiss.
Enthusiastic: a clear and excited yes! Saying “maybe” is not consent, and the famous phrase “silence means consent” is completely false.
Informed: having all the necessary information about the conditions of the sexual act, such as knowing the risks of transmitting diseases or pregnancy associated with sexual intercourse. Note: a person living with HIV on treatment with an undetectable viral load cannot transmit HIV and is therefore not obliged to disclose their status if they don’t want to.
Free and informed: being in a physical and emotional state to give consent. On the contrary, giving in is not consenting, which means that using blackmail or insisting to obtain sex is not consent either. Also, imposing an act on an unconscious or sleeping person is not consent.
Reversible: you can change your mind at any moment, even if you initially said yes, even just before or during a sexual act.
Verbal or non-verbal consent?
A clear and enthusiastic “yes” remains the most explicit consent form to seek and give. Although consent can also be non-verbal, it’s important to consider a few points:
Body language can be interpreted differently from one person to another.
Not everyone can listen to the signs their body is sending them or understand those of others.
Sometimes, a conversation may be necessary.
Ready to practice it?
To help you develop your consent practice, we suggest a little game: truth or dare?
Dare: Next time you feel like kissing someone, ask for their consent first and wait for their response. For example, “I really want to kiss you passionately, may I?” Sexy mode activated; we warned you, consent is sexy.
Truth: Ask yourself, when was the last time I clearly asked for and gave my consent?
Would you have liked to learn more about consent when you were younger? Help the HandsAway association carry out its awareness-raising activities for young people, especially in schools.
